


Unravel

by a_ki_no_ko



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Brotherhood, Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Secrets, Yes believe me they are brothers but no incest involved, non-incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:20:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26162536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_ki_no_ko/pseuds/a_ki_no_ko
Summary: He doesn’t consider Shintaro as just a sibling. Their relation can’t stop him from madly loving the other. Because it’s not true.
Relationships: Matsumura Hokuto/Morimoto Shintarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's me writing HokuShin again.
> 
> I don't want to spoil anything here so please kindly expect some grammar and spelling mistakes and ENJOY!!!

Hokuto opens the door to his apartment, only to find Shintaro peacefully napping on the sofa. 

His little brother moved in with him just a week ago. But seems like Hokuto hasn’t totally got used to having the other wait for him every time he gets home yet. 

Not to mention Shintaro isn’t that little anymore. He’s grown up nearly the same height as Hokuto, enjoying his youth, dyeing his hair brunette, getting a few piercings. The current Shintaro gives him completely different vibes from the last time Hokuto met him. 

Not to mention he doesn’t consider Shintaro as just a sibling. Their relation can’t stop him from madly loving the other. Because it’s not true. 

Because Shintaro is never his brother by blood. 

When Hokuto was six, the two-year-old Shintaro was adopted to the Matsumura family. Since that very first moment Hokuto saw his so-called brother, Shintaro’s been shining brighter than anyone, anything he’s ever seen. 

Throughout their childhood, the toughest phase must be when Hokuto hit his teens. Both of them were growing, so were the feelings. Until they become too obvious that Hokuto couldn’t even deny it himself anymore. He decided to quit questioning his own gender or lying to himself that it was just a stupid affection. Hokuto loves him whole-heartedly. 

Yet Shintaro was just so pure and precious that he didn’t dare breaking his heart with the fact the boy is not their flesh and blood. Not when he smiled so brightly every time Hokuto took him to the zoo, fascinated by watching and touching and feeding all kinds of animal as if he was the first in the world to discover them. Not when Shintaro took up surfing, his body got tanned and much more muscular, which gave Hokuto a hard on to look at. Not when their parents gave them their love evenly and did their best so that neither of them felt being left behind. He has promised to keep the secret unknown to Shintaro because none of them wanted him to pity himself. The boy is not just his angel, he brought the light to his whole family. Never in Hokuto’s life has he seen Shintaro crying and certainly he never wants such day to come. 

Hokuto surprisingly survived high school and moved to Tokyo for college, thinking he could forget about the urge to blurt out his secret and start a typical relationship just like others. But every time, anywhere, the image of Shintaro’s smile always dominated all over his mind. Hokuto even lost count of his acceptances and breakups. Those affairs were so wrong. He could never feel the exact affections like those towards Shintaro, no throbbing heartbeats in his aching chest, no raspy breaths when his fine body hit his eyes, turned him on at all the right places. Hokuto ended up screwing all of them worthless relationships and poured himself into assignments towards his graduation. 

It was the same time when Shintaro passed the entrance exam to his university, which is a vital step towards his dream of becoming a PE teacher. Hokuto was over the moon when Shintaro accepted his offer to share his apartment in Tokyo. He couldn’t even sleep the previous night, dying to see his beloved one again. Throughout 4 years of distance, whenever he found a vacation to spend with his family, he rushed home, baffled at every single change in Shintaro. The younger seemed different every time, little by little getting taller, more mature, sensually attractive. But the brightness in his innocent look and the sound of his hearty laughs never changed, at least to Hokuto’s very eyes. 

Currently Hokuto’s living with overwhelming happiness but insecurities at the same time. He gets to see his love every day, but has no idea how long he can hold back the bursting emotion like dynamites inside. Looking at the soundly sleeping beauty before his eyes, Hokuto can’t help reaching his hands, putting aside the fringes blocking his view of Shintaro’s stunning facial features. Couple of minutes before Shintaro cracks his eyes, rubbing the sleepiness away. 

“Hoku-nii...?” 

“Of course it’s me. Who else?” 

“How long ‘ve you been here? Why didn’t you wake me up?” Shintaro asks, given that it’s getting dark already. 

“I just got home.” Hokuto replies as he’s taking off his blazer. “How was school?” 

“Not as bad as I imagined. The curricular involves loads of physical training beside lectures so that’d be fine to me. Oh, and I made a lot of friends today. They’re from everywhere across the country!” 

_Friends huh?_

The idea awkwardly makes Hokuto unease. Yet he shrugs it off. 

“I’m making curry rice today.” He decided to change the topic. 

“Yayy, let me help!” Shintaro jumps off the sofa, obviously over excited and impatient. 

“No thanks. I don’t want my kitchen burnt down.” 

“Hey, I’m not that bad. Mom taught me how to cook miso soup already, you know. So please?” 

Apparently Hokuto can’t say no to those puppy eyes. 

“Fine...” Hokuto smiles, defeated. As long as his precious Shintaro’s still with him, Hokuto can deal with anything. 

. 

It’s Shintaro’s very first thesis, and obviously he doesn’t want to bother Hokuto despite his kind offer to help. His brother is already exhausted with his insanely heavy workloads. 

Shintaro and his groupmate Hokyo, a nice girl who Shintaro’s glad to work with, have to co-operate for a presentation and they need to find somewhere to work things out. They couldn't go with the library ‘cause they already intended with loads of discussion. Campus or cafeteria are not good ideas either due to too much noise and distraction. 

It’s Shintaro who recommended his place. Obviously, the girl didn’t really comfortable with the idea and wanted to turn down the offer at first. Yet they didn't have many choices. They have piles of work which need completing. Shintaro claimed that his brother is off for work so there’s no need to worry. Hokyo couldn’t come up with any excuse, thus she reluctantly agreed with the plan. 

So here they are, working with all their might for the presentation, paper spreading all over the coffee table and sofa, until they hear the familiar clicking sound of the doorknob. 

“Shintaro, _tadaima_!” 

Hokuto’s familiar voice can be heard from just meters away. Obviously the two forgot about the time. Shintaro mouths an apology before getting up from his spot to say hi to his brother. But Hokuto’s already arrived at the living room, dropping the suitcase he was holding in his hand, obviously stunned by the existence of an unexpected guest. 

“Ah, Hoku-nii, _okaeri_.” 

“ _Konnichiwa_ , Matsumura-san. I’m Hayashi Hokyo.” The girl stands up and follows suit with the greetings. 

“Shintaro.. This is...” On Hokuto’s face is an expression Shintaro’s never seen before. There are confusion, disappointment, frustration and darkness in his eyes. 

“She’s my classmate. Hocchan, this is my brother.” 

Hokuto clearly doesn’t buy that explanation. Moreover, _Hocchan_ _?_ Seriously? What was that supposed to mean? Shintaro don’t even call him that casually for those entire years together. He’s supposed to be the first one, before everyone else to be called with an intimate nickname. Why wasn’t he the first one? Because Shintaro only looks at him as a mere brother? 

“Are you done?” Hokuto blurts out the question in the most unpleasant tone. 

“Well... I think that’s enough for today, Shintaro-kun.” She quickly collects her belongings. “I’ll text you later, ‘kay?” 

The guest politely excuses herself as she can sense the atmosphere apparently tense up. Shintaro sends her off properly before closing the door. He turns back to the living room, only to find his brother not even flinching at his spot for a whole minute already. 

“Who’s she to you?” The question comes rather abruptly. 

“Huh? I just said she’s my classmate, didn’t I?” 

“Classmates are supposed to be at class. Then why was she here?” 

“Okay, I’m sorry for inviting her without asking you beforehand. But we just discussed our presentation.” Shintaro’s mind is filled with confusion ‘cause he’s never seen his calm and mature brother acting so reckless. 

“I don’t need such explanation, Shintaro.” Hokuto raises his voice, obviously losing his temper. “This is our house, and it’s ours only. We do not welcome any outsiders here, understood?” 

“Hoku-nii really, what is wrong with yo-” 

Suddenly Shintaro is pinned against the wall by his shoulders. Hokuto’s grips dangerously dig on his skin, which terrifies the younger in a way he never experienced before. 

“Let go off me, Hoku-nii!” Shintaro wraps his hands around Hokuto's tight fists. 

“Hoku-nii, let me g-" 

Shintaro can't finish, because Hokuto silences him with a kiss. 

_Shintaro's first kiss._

It’s a rushed and forceful one from the older. Hokuto's lips initially feel wet and soft, brushing eagerly against the younger’s. And apparently the boy has no idea how to react. His mind does its best to figure out the whole situation. 

Shintaro finally finds the strength to push the older away from him. 

“Wha- What did you... What was that just now?” He tries to ask between hoarse breaths, clutching on his left chess in order to control the racing heartbeat. Looking at the other’s horrified face, Shintaro can tell Hokuto aren’t aware of his previous action either. 

“Shintaro... I don’t mean to...” Hokuto reaches out for a touch, but Shintaro snatches his hand away, making the older completely fall into deep despair. He freezes at his spot, eyes turning cold, like those of a soulless body, blankly gazing at Shintaro without uttering a word. 

The younger immediately regrets his earlier gesture, he steps forwards, pulling his brother into an apologetic embrace. Maybe Hokuto’s already stressed enough that he can’t process things properly anymore. 

Yet Hokuto knows too well that kiss was never a misstep. He’s always wanted to kiss the other, to let him know how much he affects him and every smallest indication from him can push Hokuto off the edge. There is no turning back now. 

“Shintaro, I'm sorry...” He whispers, in the most endearing way into the other’s ear. “Just this time, please forgive me...” 

Hokuto retreats from the hug and immediately leans forwards, aiming at the other’s lips for the second kiss. 

Shintaro’s body tenses up, ready to fight back, but the way his brother delivers the kiss is just so good, too good that soon he’s drowned in the heat of bliss and the addictive taste. His lips feel like moving on their own, kissing back Hokuto who tilts his head for a better angle, opens up his oral cave, letting Shintaro slip his tongue in and savour the luscious sweetness. 

And they break the kiss, intensively gasping for air, gazing at the other's eyes. 

Before Shintaro can ever come up with anything, Hokuto kneels down, sliding his hand under layers of fabric to grab a hold of the other’s cock. Shintaro groans out loud, putting his hands on Hokuto's shoulders to balance himself as his legs feel so weak to the sudden contact. 

As Hokuto expertly pulls down all of Shintaro's pants with just one hand, revealing the half erection in his other one. He firmly gives Shintaro a few pumps to make it completely aroused, sending thousand volts of electricity throughout the younger body. 

Hokuto begins with lapping his wet tongue over the leaking tip before catching it in between his lips, making Shintaro jolt violently. He gradually leans forwards, taking up the length into his mouth until it reaches the back of his throat, feeling the fullness for a few seconds before backing off and sucking it in again. Hokuto picks up his pace, moving his lips in rhythm, his hand never stops stroking to make up for the part above his reach. 

This is a whole new reality that Shintaro has never known before. The pleasure from Hokuto's blowjob is out of this world. As his legs finally gain back some strength, he finds his hips thrusting into Hokuto's alluring cave, craving for more pleasure. His brother looks breathtakingly beautiful and erotic beneath him with dreamy eyes behind damp fringes because of sweat. 

“Hok- Ah... Hoku-nii...” 

Soon his body tenses up, Shintaro clenches on Hokuto’s shirt as the accumulated friction helplessly bursts out beyond his control. Hokuto sucks it all until the last droplet. Shintaro feels like all of his energy’s been drained out, so breathless that he gets to lean his back on the wall to support himself, about to drop his body onto the hard ground. 

But Hokuto catches him in his arms just in time. He holds him tight, lets the youngers chin rest on his shoulder, gently patting his head. Hokuto can hear the younger slowly catch his breath. 

“Hoku-nii... Bedroom...” Shintaro whispers into his ears, which is more than enough to make Hokuto do his best literally dragging both of them to his bed. 

Shintaro’s glad that his brother helps him to discard his hoodie shirt as his body is burning right now. Hokuto strips himself down to nothing before straddling the other’s sweaty body, which is shining glamorously under the dim light. 

He leans forwards. God, not again. Not Hokuto’s irresistible tempting kiss which drove him insane just earlier. Shintaro tastes his own come mixed with Hokuto’s luscious juice in the messy kiss, he can’t help chasing inside for more. Hokuto starts moaning, maybe because of the kiss, but maybe because of something else. Shintaro will never know that Hokuto has to reach behind himself to loosen his hole despite the all the pain. He will never know he has to hold back his screams due to physical suffer together with years of hiding his misery for the sake of Shintaro. Just for Shintaro only. 

Hokuto finally breaks their kiss, gasping for oxygen so intensively that Shintaro doubts that they could continue their sex like this. 

“Hoku-nii.. you okay?” He just has to voice out his concern. 

“Yea..hah... I’m good.. hahh...” 

“If you feel unwell with any of this, please let me know...” 

For the first time, Hokuto has to gather all he has to fight against the urge of fulfilling Shintaro’s request. He can’t tell him that he’s hurt, that he’s concealing a deadly secret which is rotting him from the inside, that he wants Shintaro to return his love and he would claim him for his own only and then everybody else should back off. 

“No.. I’m fine with this. Let’s do it.. Please let me do it for once, Shintaro...” 

Hokuto’s voice sound more desperate than anything the younger has ever heard. He brings his hand to caress the pitch-black fluffy hair before grabbing a fistful of it, pulling him in for a kiss. It’s the first one initiated by Shintaro and a gentle, sweet one, close-mouthed and full of caring, yet deep and too vigorous for Hokuto that he feels empowered more than ever. 

He reaches for Shintaro’s cock, strokes it back to life, observing every reaction on the younger’s face, before lowering himself onto the erected hardness. It fits him so well, so perfectly that his eyes shed a tear, it felt so right like this is where things are supposed to be. 

Shintaro wipes away the running droplets on his gorgeous face. 

“Are you hurt?” 

“No...” Hokuto shakes his head. 

At least not physically. His hand holds onto the younger’s hand on his flushed cheek, which reminds him of the reason he’s not allowed to spill a word. Shintaro is just too soft, too kind-hearted, he doesn’t deserve the torture Hokuto’s bearing. So as long as he’s with him, Hokuto’s strong enough to overcome anything. 

_As long as you are still here with me._

“Please move, Hoku-nii...” 

Hokuto starts rolling his hips as told. It feels heavenly when Shintaro’s tip brushing all over his inner muscles, giving him ultimate pleasure. 

“Ah.. Shintaro... Shintaro...” 

_Shintaro._

His name never sounds so erotic and insanely beautiful from Hokuto’s angelic voice, mixed with raspy moans and muffled sobs in between, powerful enough to melt any hearts. No wonder girls and even guys named him “the prince” back in school and even hunted him down just to hear his very voice. 

Shintaro gives his brother a hand by pumping his hard cock in sync with Hokuto’s bouncing on top of him, turning him into a mess. The most splendid mess to look from below. Damped silky hair, sharp jawline, swollen lips from all the biting and frustrated restrains. The dim light shadows and highlights every magnificent feature on his face perfectly. His abs ideally carve on his torso, creamy skin covered in sparkling sweats. 

Shintaro hitting his sweet spot pushed him over the edge and Hokuto cries out his milky white seeds into the younger’s hand and onto his stomach, and Shintaro swears he's never seen anything more sexually luminous. 

Hokuto’s moves turn staggered but he tries his best so that Shintaro can meet the same ecstasy. Shintaro offers his hand on the older's slender hips to support his body. Soon he’s drowned in the wave of orgasm one more time, finishes himself inside Hokuto, who lets his body collapse onto his chest. 

The younger embraces him in his arms, rolls aside, gently putting his head on the fluffy pillow. Every gesture from the older looks damn elegant but so fragile at once, soaked fluttered eyes, crimson lips, like his world’s about to fall apart. 

“Shintaro, I love you...” His voice cracks, hand clinging onto the other’s arm, as if his life depended on the other’s existence. 

“Uhm.” The other just nods, though he can somehow tell a vast difference from those ‘I love you’ Hokuto used to say when they were smaller. 

“I don’t want to be your brother anymore...” 

Shintaro widens his eyes, but Hokuto already passed out on his arm, his hand never loosens its grip. The younger brushes away traces of tear on the other’s angelic sleeping face, resting his forehead on Hokuto’s for a while, giving it a kiss, then pulls the blanket to cover the other’s nakedness before getting up from his bed. 

. 

A ray of sunlight wakes Hokuto from his slumber, his hand instinctively reaches out for warmth, but it finds nothing. 

Hokuto immediately pulls himself up, feeling sore all over his body. Shintaro isn’t here, nor anywhere to be found. Hokuto forcefully drags his trembling feet out of their bedroom, to the kitchen, living room, balcony. He calls out the other’s name in despair countless times, until his legs and throat give up on him, feeling frustratingly painful. 

The boy vulnerably tears up among four empty walls, helplessly breaking down on the floor. He tries to sustain the overwhelming outcry and panic, but to no avail. 

_Shintaro has left him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was having a hard time writing this and my beta-reader gave me loads of motivation, I can't thank her enough.  
> Please leave me a comment if you'd like to and stay tuned for the second chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shintaro’s on the first subway which he knows is heading to Tokyo, yet he has no idea where his life’s gonna head to from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the second chapter of this series.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy 😊  
> Please kindly expect typos and grammar mistakes.

It's 5:20am, the sky is still dark and cloudy. So is Shintaro's mind. 

He’s on the first subway which he knows is heading to Tokyo, yet he has no idea where his life’s gonna head to from now on. 

He just paid a visit to his parents. Well, at least they are the people he so called mom and dad. The goal is one and only: to ask for the truth. Hadn't been for what happened with Hokuto last night, Shintaro could still always sense a mere different in himself from the rest of his family, despite the endless love and caring they've been giving him. It's also such love which stops him from chasing for what was hidden, because he was afraid of losing his dearest home. 

But he can't pretend any longer, when he looks at Hokuto. His brother is bearing something too much, something has been terribly tearing him apart. Hokuto doesn't deserve suffering the pain by himself. Shintaro doesn't have the heart to see whatever secret torturing the other anymore. Thus he believes it's time to put a stop to it. 

His parents were more than surprised to see their son coming home at 2am, and what surprised them more was his questions. Shintaro asked for who he really is. 

After a little hesitation, they decided to start the story with an album, which was not any of those albums Shintaro has ever seen before. There were pictures of how he first met his current family. 

Due to his mother illness, they couldn’t have a second child. Hokuto didn't really have friends and was always alone on his own. His parents chose to adopt another member into the family, so they took Hokuto to visit the orphanage. 

Shintaro was told to be an active kid. He was only two years old but always enjoyed running outside. His favorite spot was a pond at the backyard. He would wait for any stray cats to come and pamper them or try to catch them frogs on the lotus pads. And he caught Hokuto's attention right away. His parents didn't believe when they saw two of them laughing heartily just half an hour after Hokuto arrived. They hurriedly prepared all the paper needed for the adoption. And just on the next day, Shintaro became a Matsumura. 

His mom and dad once thought of telling him the truth but they were just worried about the scenario, in which Shintaro would be hurt to know about his own story. 

Yet Shintaro just replied them with a warm smile, like he always did. It looked the same but felt slightly different from the inside. How could Shintaro be mad at them? They're too kind and he was glad to grow up in such family, with such endearing people, and he could never thank them enough. 

He had a plea, which he hoped they would grant him, 

“No matter what’s gonna happen, please allow me to call you mama and papa.” 

And they had nothing to refuse, they had always treated him as their own son, and they definitely wanted to keep on looking after him forever. 

Speaking of Hokuto, Shintaro was sorry that he couldn’t look at him the same way that he used to. But Hokuto had always protected him, it was time for Shintaro to do his part. 

“I promise to never hurt him. He's important to me just like mama and papa. I want to be someone he can lean on.” 

After they bit their goodbye, Shintaro walked to the station as there was still no taxi or bus at such hour. While waiting for the train, he couldn't sleep for even a minute, mind full of Hokuto. His voice, his touch, his kiss. The hurt in his eyes, the despair in his words, the secret in his heart and the truth in his feelings. Although he doesn’t want to, Shintaro admits he’s a little lost. There’s a bunch of stories he has to process within just few hours and he never handles these kinds of problem very well at all. 

It’s 6:05 am, the sky is still cloudy yet seems slightly brighter after a long night. And so is Shintaro’s heart. 

He’s on the first subway, which he knows is heading back to Tokyo, he still doesn’t know where his life’s gonna head to, there are uncertainties, but he hopes with all his might that he can spend his future with his beloved Hokuto. That’s why he’d better hurry. He wishes the train would run faster, he wishes to be back to Hokuto as soon as possible so that the other will never have to endure loneliness on his own anymore. 

. 

Despite his rushed steps just earlier, Shintaro feels nervousness surging throughout his body while standing in front of the apartment's door. Hokuto is on the other side, and he has no idea how he’s doing at the very moment. Will he happy to see him? Will he be mad at him? Will he ever smile to him again? Will he cry just like last night? Shintaro cautiously turns the doorknob, cracking the door open. 

The unit looks bright as curtains has been opened. He can hear rushed footsteps. Shintaro takes a look at the living room and kitchen. Everything stays the same, just like when he left. He proceeds to walk along the corridor. Shintaro remembers closing the bedrooms door yet he can see it opened from afar. Hokuto must be up already. 

He doesn’t need to step inside to catch the sight of the other. Hokuto was putting on his white shirt in a hurry, feet never stop walking around, his hair is messy from his slumber. 

“Hoku-nii...” He calls out, merely audible, but enough for Hokuto to stop everything he’s doing to turn around. 

It cuts Shintaro’s heart to look at Hokuto with such state. He never seems so broken, pale skin, his sparkling eyes turned red from too much crying, his body keeps trembling nonstop. Before any further greetings, Hokuto literally throws himself to the other, daring any obstacles in between their distance. He holds him tight, tighter than ever, regardless all the pain on his body. 

“Shintaro... you’re back...” Hokuto can’t help crying again. 

“Uhm. I’m back now. I’m sorry I left without telling you...” He’s about to reason, only to realize that isn’t what Hokuto needs to hear. Hence he chooses not to, and just hugs him back instead. 

“I.. I thought... I thought I lost you for good...” Hokuto can’t even arrange his words properly in the middle of his outcry. 

“I’m sorry...” Shintaro doesn't know what else he can do apart from patiently waiting for Hokuto to calm down. 

The latter rests his head on the younger’s shoulder, gasping in between his sobs, desperately inhaling the scent of Shintaro, his hair, his clothes, his skin, like they’re kind of the only drugs which can ever ease down his addiction. He retreats from the embrace after a while. Hokuto looks stunning in his white shirt, like an angel who just fell from heaven, his gaze is just as powerful, hypnotizing the other so that Shintaro can never get his eyes off. 

“Hoku-nii...” Shintaro’s voice goes hoarse. “I mean... Hokuto...” 

The boy widens his eyes the moment his name’s called up. 

“Shintaro, you... already know?” He doesn’t believe his ears. 

The younger lets out an apologetic smile. “Yeah, I do.” 

Hokuto’s at a loss for words, he avoids the other’s look, eyes wandering like they’re searching for some kind of explanation. 

“I’m sor-” Before Hokuto even finishes, the other silences him with a finger on his firm lips. 

“Hokuto, please look at me.” Shintaro cups his face, directing the other’s attention to his words. “You don’t have to say sorry. This is none of your fault, nor anyone’s fault.” 

He caresses his hair, his face, his swollen eyes, as gently as he can, like Hokuto’s made of glass. 

“Shintaro… Are you okay?” 

No he is not. He’s frightened, as he gradually figures out how Hokuto was bearing for 16 years long. Yet he must not shed a tear, he doesn't want Hokuto to see this side of his, he has promised not to hurt Hokuto ever again. 

“Yeah.. I am fine.” He forces out a grin, though his heart clenches tight, screaming nonstop. Shintaro tries to even his breaths, so that the overwhelmed ache won’t burst out. 

“Just.. Hokuto, please..” 

“Yes?” The older obviously waits for the rest. 

“Please don't hate me. Please let me stay here with you for now.” 

His memory recalls what Hokuto said to him last night. 

_I don’t want to_ _be_ _your_ _brother anymore._

“You don’t have to treat me like a brother if you don’t want to. It's fine if we’re just Hokuto and Shintaro.” 

Their names never sounds so wonderful together, at least to Hokuto. What Shintaro just said matches him perfectly, it was all he ever wished for. 

“Please tell me your needs whenever you feel like. I want to know more about you.” He voices out between hot breaths. 

“What if I say ‘now'?” Hokuto dives his look into the other’s eyes, seeking for denial, yet he finds none. 

“Wh- What if I say I want you now?” Hokuto restates, clearer this time, he pulls Shintaro closer by the collar, stumbling both of their bodies on the mattress. 

Is that so? Is it physical attachment what Hokuto looks for? Because if that’s the truth, Shintaro bets his everything just to fulfill such wish. 

They gradually lean forwards until their lips find the other’s. Though the younger can still taste bitterness, it’s a kiss that heals like miracle. They hungrily chase move after move as though there were still any gap in between, never get enough of the temptation. 

“That’d be my pleasure.” 

Shintaro doesn’t know what to call this feeling, there are lust, hurt, and warmth, which he swears to keep for himself only. 

. 

It's been a week since then, Hokuto has never feel so happy in his life. Shintaro's still with him, and moreover he can get intimate with the younger whenever he wants, ‘cause there is no longer any brother restriction between them, sometimes they kiss, sometimes make out, sometimes spend nights satisfying each other’s deepest wants and needs. Shintaro would smile to him every morning, distract him from any stress, have dinner with him at the same dining table, and cover him with his heat on bed. 

Hokuto can merely sense a slight change in the other, Shintaro appears to get a little… gloomy after the occasion. He’s still talking and smiling at the older, yet to Hokuto, it somehow doesn’t feel as bright and as magical as before. Shintaro never hides his emotions after all, thus Hokuto's supposed it’s just his imagination and shrugs it off. 

Today is a bit different, Shintaro has a celebration with his surfing club. Though he already texted Hokuto that he will get home late and the older can go to bed first without waiting for him, the older just keep tossing and turning on his comfy bed, unfamiliar with the lack of the other's hug. 

There's a ring of his doorbell and Hokuto literally jumps from his spot, his feet dash to the front door, not bothering to think why Shintaro has to use the bell even though he already has the key. Perhaps he forgot where he left his key or something, who cares anyway. Hokuto’s just dying to welcome him home. 

“Shintaro, I was waitin-" 

Before him is a stranger, tall and fair, who’s holding the dreamy Shintaro by his shoulder. 

“You must be Mr. Matsumura?” 

“Y- Yes?” 

“Thank god, um.. Would you mind helping me a hand with this guy?” 

Hokuto proceeds to take Shintaro into his arms, trying to balance the other's weight on him. The stranger politely excuses himself before leaving. Hokuto kicks the close and drags the other to their bed. 

“Hokuto?” Shintaro cracks eyes from his doze. 

“Yep. Can you walk on your own?” 

“Um…” Shintaro nods, retreating his arms off Hokuto's shoulder. Yet he immediately stumbles on his feet and would land his face on the floor if it weren't for the older's catch. Since letting him go to the bedroom alone isn't a clever idea, Hokuto decides to keep him company. 

And when he finally lays the other onto the sheet, resting his back onto a pillow, 

“Hokuto, it's hot…” 

Of course it is. Jeez, how much alcohol did Shintaro exactly shove into his system? Hokuto reluctantly straddles him, undoes the shirt's button, which he’s got used to anyway. Yet the younger doesn't really collaborate with him, he starts touching Hokuto's face, his hands are obviously in the way. 

“Hey Hokuto, do you know…” He rambles. 

“Cut it out, Shintaro! Can't you see I'm struggling here?” The older apparently has had enough. 

“…that your eyes are really beautiful?” His voice slips out in a quiet tone, more like a whisper, a deadly alluring one. “I always love it when you look at me this close.” 

Hokuto freezes. What was that? What’s with the sudden praise? 

“Well… I- I don't really…” He stutters, blushing like crazy. 

“And you have beautiful lips too…” Shintaro traces his fingers from the corner of those obsidians to Hokuto's pursing lips, glossy and inviting. “They are amazing to kiss…” 

Hokuto's got to take a gulp to maintain his common sense, as Shintaro's words just sound so loving, and so true, like none of those are out of his drunkenness. 

“And I love your hands also…” 

Hokuto lets the other take his wrist, bring it close to his mouth and then press kisses in between those slender fingers, which makes the older gasp at the erotic scene. 

“Whatever you do, they just keep distracting me…” 

His other hand slithers under Hokuto's T-shirt, wandering above Hokuto's chiseled abs, making the older impatient enough to pull off the piece of clothes. Shintaro directs his pecks to Hokuto’s torso. 

“Your skin’s always so smooth, it feels soft and nice to touch…” 

He keeps mumbling, as his hands proceeds to remove the other's pants. He pulls up one of Hokuto's leg, kissing the inner thigh, Hokuto shudders as he can feels the other hot breaths ghosting above his skin. 

Then Shintaro grabs a hold of the older’s half-erected shaft. 

“And I love your dick, Hokuto… It fits my hand perfectly…” The boy gives a kiss onto the leaking tip. 

“Ahh…” Hokuto cannot hold back his moan any longer. “Shintaro… ah… Ahh!!!” It gets louder and more desperate as time passes by. 

“Shintaro… ah… Enough… I want you in me…” He tries to voice out between ragged gasps. 

The other does as told, letting go of Hokuto, he reaches for the tube of lubrication on the night stand, covering his fingers with the slippery substance. He lifts one of Hokuto's leg and carefully inserts one digit, earning a sexual moan from the older. Shintaro loosens up the older rather instinctively even in his drunken state, as preparation already became one of his habits, so that Hokuto won't endure deadly pain during the penetration. 

“It's fine like this, Shintaro… Just put it in already.” Hokuto impatiently demands after Shintaro puts his third finger. The latter retreats his hand, his lips find the other's one more time. 

“Uhm… I love your voice, Hokuto... I’d love to hear when you call my name… Like my existence only matters when it is called by you…” He confesses between muffled kisses. “Please call me more, order me to do anything you want…” 

“I want you, Shintaro…” And he really does, more sincere and craving than anything, and he can feel the other humming his response. 

As Shintaro smoothly slips his length in, he gives the older a hug, resting his chin on his shoulder. Hokuto’s slightly surprised by the sudden act, normally Shintaro would ravish his lips to distract him from the pain. But he isn’t complaining either, Shintaro’s embrace always feels nice and cozy around his chest, as though this were the safest place in the world and he could have Shintaro for his own. Hokuto genuinely doesn’t mind for the slightest. 

Shintaro begins his thrusts, gently at first as though he’s scared to break his precious one apart. The slowburn temptation starting to dominate Hokuto’s mind, making him crave for more. As the hug’s lasting longer than usual, he impatiently pushes Shintaro by the shoulders, dying to resume the eye contact and engage into enticing rough kisses. 

What catches him off guard is Shintaro’s soaking eyes. Is he... crying? Since when? 

For the first time, Hokuto has ever seen Shintaro crying. He doesn’t dare to even think of it. Even if he did, this would be far different from all of his wildest fantasies. There is no trembling, nor sobbing, nor hiccups. Just the sparking droplets swelling up at corner of his innocent eyes, before overflowing and running downwards, upon the dark shade of blush on his cheeks, passing his puckering thin lips, clustering at his chin and eventually falling onto Hokuto’ chest. 

The place where those tears landed feels like burning on his skin. They cut his heart beneath, sharper than knives. There is no sorrow in the younger’s eyes to be found, yet Hokuto can tell for sure, he’s at a loss. 

As for Shintaro, he can’t find any clues of where their relationship’s supposed to be. Family? Friends? Sex partners? Hokuto can somehow see his past in the younger at the very moment. How lost he used to be. And though he isn’t really sure of what to do now, he reaches out his hands anyways, brushing away the visible wetness on his face, and maybe the confusion bugging inside the younger also. 

The older gives him a kiss, a deep yet tender one, which he hopes can wash away whatever is hurting Shintaro right now. Hokuto never handles his emotions well, and the younger is always there, ready to offer any comfort he may need. For once, he wants to become somebody Shintaro can lean on, not just a brother or a temporary distractor. He wants his beloved Shintaro to lean on him longer, for the rest of their entire life. 

“Hokuto... I love everything of you. How can I be like you?” His hoarse voice slips in between their kiss. “How can I deserve someone like you?” 

_You don’t have to. You have always captured my heart since forever._

“How can I have you? For my own only.” 

_Then make me yours so that no one can tear us apart._

“I want you, Hokuto, more than anything.” 

_I am already yours, all of me, Shintaro._

Hokuto has his answers immediately in his mind, but everything leaving his lips is just lustful moans. As the genuine confessions coming in a hurry, their moves rush up. Soon both of them burst out the thick liquid together with overwhelming ecstasy. 

“I love you, Hokuto.” 

_Say that again._

“I love you Hokuto...” 

_Again._

“I love you...” 

_I love you too._

As if their minds and bodies were connected. Hokuto holds him tight, contented with overwhelming happiness. Even if Shintaro said all this out of his drunkenness, even if he forgets about tonight in the morning, if what’s happening were just a wet fantasy, Hokuto doesn’t have anything to regret. Because Shintaro returning his love is everything he’s ever longed for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I planned to wrap up this fic in just 2 chapters at the first place.  
> But the second part got extra long, that's why i have to split it.  
> The next one will be the final chapter.  
> I'd be more than happy if you guys look forward to it.  
> Special thanks to my proof-reader as well as my advisor, I couldn't go this far without her support.  
> Also thanks you guys for reading.  
> See you soon and have a nice day 😊


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